Sunday, March 22, 2009

Twins Top 10 List...



Here is a list of the top 10 stangest, funniest, and all around weird questions/statements total strangers will ask a mother of twins. And yes, they are all true. I could not make stuff up this good...

As a thrilling little side note I also added (marked by the (Me:) the first thought that popped into my head immediately after the question was asked. Thankfully for both parties involved I kept those little gems to mysef.

10. Are they twins? (Me:) No, I have two babies of exactly the same size and weight in a double stroller that are both crying, pooping, and simutaniously spitting up because it is really fun and relaxing)

9. Are they both yours? (Me: No, I stole another baby of exactly the same size and weight and purchased a double stroller for both just before coming to Longs to stand in line next to you)

8. Are they the same age? (This is after she asked me if they are twins and I said, Yes) This one stumps me to this day. Technnically, no. One is a minute older. Did she think they came out side by side at the same time?

7. Did you have a C-Section? They are big. (Me: As much as I would love to talk about my vagina with you here in the grocery store line...I think I will pass this time.)

6. You're not having any more are you? (Me: Why, because my toddlers are tearing apart this frigging candy display they have so kindly put right next to checkout just to make my life hell every time I walk in this place?)

5. Did you do IVF? (Me: Would you like me to sign a waver to all my medical records so you can call my OB and read up on my fasinating medical history?)

4. Are they identical? (This is after she asked if they were a boy & girl and I said Yes) I get this all the time. No people. One has a wiener. One does not.

3. Did they come out at the same time? (Me: WHAT?! What are you talking about. Again: You mean side by side?? I'm stumped)

2. You are so lucky. They have a built in playmate. (Me: Oh yes, because all two 3 year olds do ALL day is play play play. It's just a dream. Seriously?!)

1. Your husband must be very virile. (Me: Hi Ohhhh, wha wha what?!) The man behind us in line literally started laughing. I could not even look the woman in the eye for fear of bursting into hysterics. (BTW my husband thought it was a fantastic question.) Just for a bit more fun here is the dictionary definition of virile (My husband loves this even more. Must be a man thing)

vir·ile (vĂ®rl, -l)
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or having the characteristics of an adult male, especially the ability to perform sexually as a male.
2. Having or showing masculine spirit, strength, vigor, or power.
3. Sexually potent.

10 comments:

  1. Really funny!!! Great blog.. :-)

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  2. That is hillarious! I have to read this to my boyfriend now...he has a love/hate relationship with stupid questions.

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  3. thank you for the laughs tonight.. i needed them!

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  4. Oh my god people can be so stupid *_* I don't think I would have had your composure in these situations... I probably would have said all those things out loud rather than in my head!

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  5. From The Cranky Twin Mom Next Door:

    Yes! I have had all of these and more asked of me! My all time favorite is:
    "Boy, you look REALLY TIRED."

    Typically this question is posed at the store when things are really going downhill fast.
    Okay. How does one respond to this? It is not, I repeat, not, a comment which does anything to bolster the spirits of a twin mom. It implies, more or less, that as a twin mom you seem to look more hellish than the average mom. And it always seems to happen on the day you feel pretty darn good about yourself.

    The other comment which ALWAYS gets my goat is: "Boy, I really can relate to your situation as a twin mom. My toddlers are Irish twins, 13 months apart!"
    For those twin or triplet moms out there, you know what I mean. I can guarantee that having babies a year apart does not in the least compare to how hellishly hard (but at times pleasantly beautiful)it is having TWO newborns, TWO toddlers, etc., at the same time. One newborn baby with a crappy diaper, and another just like it with the same needs. And me with just two arms. Not, I repeat, at all like babies ONE YEAR apart.

    I nursed my twins for over two years - it just worked out that way and was quite easy for me. But. The number one question about this is:
    "How do you possibly feed both babies at the same time?"

    (Anatomy lesson time...two boobs, two babies. Perfect number of milk outlets.)

    A final thought: The ladies who always say to me "Wow! You are so lucky! I always wanted to have twins, I wish I would have had twins!" Me, staring back dumbfounded, not knowing what the hell to say back. Yes, my twins are wonderful, and develish at the same time (some day I can tell you my story imvolving 9 month old babies, diapers, duct-tape diapers shut, and poop. Yup. Fun all around. Especially after I spent two hours scrubbing poo off the walls around the crib! And the crib itself.

    And Cranky Twin Mom and I, who literally do live right next door to each other, have some great stories involving a jogger, a set of naked 2 year old twins, a set of naked 4 year old twins, a potty full of pee, and a jogger being chased down the street at full speed by a naked twin carrying said pot full of pee. Yes, it was quite funny, and yes, a mother of a single baby can never understand how we can believe these events are just everyday occurances in our lives, and that WE TRULY DON"T CARE if the kid is dirty, clean or naked, as long as they are having fun!

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  6. That post made me LOL
    oh jeeze....I AM a twin and Goddess knows if I had twins, I would be closed for business...ya ken?
    I've been told though, that I was selfish for just having one child by a woman with a gaggle in the toy aisle at Caldors...

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  7. That is too funny!! Obviously some people just don't think before they open their mouth!

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  8. That's hilarious. Love the virile bit. my mom is a twin (not identical, very not so) and she can be standing with her twin, they will introduce themselves as such, and people still ask if they're identical. incredible.

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  9. I have a friend who is a twin and gets asked all the time if his brother was born on the same day as he. (Now technically, they could've been born on different days...think about it.) However, my friend thinks to himself, "Now that's the definition of twins, isn't it?!"

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